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Maria Sue Chapman's Funeral Service

It is great that so many have been drawn to the story of the Chapman family and this one child.

Here’s Jim Houser’s entire post about the memorial service:

For those who couldn’t be here, I thought I’d share a rundown, the best I can remember it as I was a bit emotional. It was a beautiful and moving celebration of this little girl’s life. And in typical Chapman fashion… God was honored, the Gospel was presented, and… It went long. : )

Throughout the service, pictures of Maria were shown on screens above the platform. There were about 2000 people present and the program was just over 2 hours.

Michael W Smith provided a beautiful prelude and then sang “Still” to open the service. Then a prayer of invocation was offered, and a Pastor at Christ Community Church, the family’s home church, Scotty Smith called us to worship with a congregation responsive reading of a portion of The Heidelberg Catechism and the question What is your only comfort in life and in death?

Matt Redman, who was in the airport in Atlanta preparing to fly back to his home in the UK when he heard the news of Maria’s death, left the airport rather than board his flight and drove to Nashville to serve the family anyway he could. The Chapmans not knowing Matt was in the country had discussed him being a part and we’re overwhelmed to hear he was able to be there. Matt led worship along with Christy Nockels singing several songs including two that Redman has written out of his own loss and sorrows, “Blessed Be Your Name,” and “You Never Let Go,” as well as the hymn “It Is Well.”

Then Matt explained that Steven and he had penned a song “Close To Your Heart” a few months ago for a close family friend of the Chapmans just after the loss of their child. Little did Steven know it would bring comfort to him and his own family on this day, as Matt shared it at Maria’s service.

One of Shaohannah’s Hope’s orphan care partners in China, Robin Hill flew in for the service and he offered a prayer.

Then family and friends stood just feet away from Maria’s tiny coffin and shared stories about the spunky, adorable little girl. A few here…

Family friend Karen sharing how Maria loved to wash dishes butt naked, and loved when her family “was altogether,”

The unpredictable Mary Beth with a few stories including how Maria loved her nicknames and running the sweet list down,

Family friend Melissa challenging us to live like Maria and love others like she did, not holding back!;

Caleb sharing how he had prayed for God to heal Maria after the accident, and how God did it in a way that he didn’t like very much (taking her to heaven) but that he has never been more convinced that Jesus is real,

Miss Meagan, Maria’s pre-school teacher, commenting on her love of art, drawing flowers, her classmates and her family,

Emily telling the story of how when she told Maria that Tanner had asked her to marry him that Maria asked her “whacha say?” and Emily went on to challenge us with the picture God gives of how the groom Jesus has asked his bride, us, to marry Him with a relationship through the cross, “whacha say?”

lastly, Steven sharing that Maria had professed Jesus as her Savior and those moments; as well as a moving story from him about how he had asked God to help him see that Maria was safe, and how God showed up. (I’ll let him tell it soon)

Next, children in the service brought flowers to Maria’s casket as SCC’s best friend Geoff Moore sang “With Hope,” a song Steven wrote 10 years ago for a family that lost a child, that same family the Mullicans are now walking he and Mary Beth through this now shared tragic experience.

Scotty Smith then took a few precious minutes to challenge us on the Gospel, that Maria’s story is our story and we can be adopted into God’s family and see Him and Maria at the end of our lives. (I’m not able to do Scotty’s words justice)

Tammy Jensen then sang “Jesus I Am Resting, Resting,” close family friends mentioned above the Mullicans prayed to close our time. And then the video of “Dishwashin Daddy and “Bellyflop” that has gone around the world was played.

Friends, it was such a difficult, yet sweet time. I urge you now to pray for this family. Be intentional. Set an alarm to go off on the 21st of every month, or anytime you see an SUV let it be a reminder, or whenever you hear a Steven song… whatever you feel is best. As someone who has experienced a difficult loss, some days ahead will be difficult for this family because the rest of the world moves on and forgets. It’s very understandable of course. If you can though, remember to keep them in your prayers.

I too echo Caleb and his wise beyond his years comment, after having the privilege to walk with so many of their family and friends next to the Chapmans through this time, I have never been more convinced that Jesus is real, that the Gospel is true. Despite this tragedy that could seem to contradict He is a good and sovereign God, we know the truth that is on the front of Maria’s Memorial Service program! That He has plans for us “plans for peace and not evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Example, What Example?

Do you have a good example of what an awesome marriage looks like?

Let's be honest, very seldom do we see a marriage that we truly admire.  A marriage that displays deep caring, respect, honesty and hints of serving the other.  And, when we catch a glimpse of a couple that's too lovey-dovey, we cringe and snicker at their silliness.

Have you ever thought to ask these affectionate friends what makes them happy? Do you wish that a little of that would rub off on your marriage?

Personally, I'm drawn to couples like this because they build into my marriage.  What do I see in their example?

• Words of Affirmation... they don't put each other down in front of others

• Serving...there is a willingness to put their spouses needs above their own

• Touch...they kiss, hold hands and hug in front of others

• The Face...there aren't any scowling eyebrows, rolling eyes and snarling lips

• Connection...they frequently connect with other couples and do life with them.  They show up for others during difficult times. 

• Laughter...there seems to be a feeling of joy when you're around them with the sharing of funny stories and life experiences.

• Work...they work at their marriage.  They're not afraid to admit they go to marriage seminars or that they have been to a counselor for tune-ups.

• God...there is a deep connection to Him through individual times of prayer and weekly attendance in a church as well as serving others through ministry or volunteering.

Very seldom do I run into couples that exhibit these characteristics.

Can I dream of having a marriage that resembles these attributes?  I know I can, because God longs to give us the desires of our hearts. God wants us to have awesome marriages and not settle for average.

How can you best align your marriage to your dream marriage?

• Don't do marriage alone. 
• Seek out a mentor couple for an example of what an awesome marriage can be. They will fill you up when you're running on empty; provide wise counsel, and encouragement.  And best of all, they will pray for your marriage.

Steven Curtis Chapman Daughter Killed in Accident

The 5 year-old daughter, Maria Sue, of Christian, and Grammy winning, musician Steven   Curtis Chapman was killed Wednesday by an SUV driven by her teenage brother. Maria was playing in the driveway when her brother backed over her. He didn’t see her.

Steven is a friend of this ministry — I can't imagine your pain. We're praying for you. Please pray for the family.
 

•   The Chapman family blog
•   Steven Curtis Chapman Interviews, Articles and Reviews

 

Marriage GPS

On a recent trip, Jim and I had the opportunity to borrow a Garmin (GPS) device. At first, when this little gadget of wonders talks back to you, it’s rather fun. As you make wrong turns, it alerts you with the words — “RECALCULATING!”

We were navigating downtown Dallas fairly well, until, we found ourselves on the wrong ramp heading north of the city instead of south. With each new turn Jim made, we heard the words “recalculating”. The Garmin recalculated so many times it eventually became silent. I think it gave up. And, I know Jim wished he could throw it out the window.

As we were flying home a few days later, we discussed the similarities between the Garmin and our relationship. Really, we do have crazy discussions like this.

There have been times in our marriage when we've tried to speak truth about the wrong direction one of us is taking. Similar to the Garmin, we were attempting to recalculate the other toward eliminating sinful behavior or making decisions that would derail us from loving God or each other well.

Taking wrong directions in marriage can be very subtle.

1. I’ll spend a little more time at the office tonight. My spouse won’t care.
2. I'll go out to lunch with this co-worker of the opposite sex. It's just business.
3. I’m spending a little extra money on myself. I deserve it and it won’t make a difference in our budget this month.
4. Stopping for a drink or two after work is okay.
5. Everyone occasionally loses his or her temper, right?
6. We don’t need a date night; sitting on the couch is fine.
7. The kid’s needs and activities are more important than ours.
8. Get-a-way weekends are a luxury and not necessary.
9. Viewing porn or spending time in chat rooms is okay — if I keep it under control.
10. Participating in my hobbies several times a week isn’t a problem.

Is it time to recalculate?

Do You Deserve a Klondike Bar?

For you guys still scratching your heads, here's a visual of what I was talking about in a previous post. Guys, it's the little things that make a difference.

Motorcycle Viagra

I know the warning signs...

You turn 50, you find yourself Googling "skate boarding" and "Nepal hotels" and ... visiting motorcycle shops.

On impulse, Sheri and I made that unplanned stop last summer. We toured the showroom. Harmless enough. We sat on a few; talked "motorcycle" with the owner; and thought maybe someday we too could experience that free riding, wind in your hair feeling. 

Now that the kids are gone and we're looking for more ways to spend  "us" time, riding a bike together does have it's appeal. I envision riding with other couples, taking road trips together — think of the experiences!

Statistics show that most fatal crashes involve new motorcycle drivers. And the majority of those are guys my age. No doubt, guys like me, inflicted with mid-life motorcycle passion.  That scares me.

Why couldn't mid-life have hit me at 24? It would've been much easier.

Last week I got my learner's permit and I'm scheduled for riding classes this summer. Yes, classes.

Watch for Part Two: Jim and Sheri Shop For Leather.

Oh, I should mention: this was Sheri's idea.

The Christian Divorce Rate

Interesting post on Bowden McElroy's, Counseling Notes Blog.

Whenever the topic of divorce stats comes up, the Christian numbers
are always said to be just as bad as secular marriages. Of course,
that depends how you slice the numbers...

Men and Nail Polish?

Most of us guys know the importance of seeking out — and creating — environments that are conducive to positive spousal response. The longer you're married, the more you are aware of those negative and positive environments and how they can affect your marriage relationship.

For example, I've learned that completing my Saturday to-do list can mean the difference between a happy wife and a lonely weekend. A completed to-do list makes a happy wife. I know this through experience.

I know Sheri needs quality couch time every day. This is where we sit close and I make eye contact while listening to how her day went. This is something I need to do...

A New Kind of Purity - Anal Sex or Oral Sex

Couples — Even Christian couples — have come to believe that engaging in oral sex or anal sex is the way to maintain virginity and avoid pregnancy.

Hey, there's a reason it's called Anal Sex and Oral Sex — it's sex.

It's not a workaround solution to maintaining virginity.  It's still intimate, you're still naked, climax is still a real possibility and it's a very intimate way to share your sexuality with someone you're not married to.

There's a suggestion we lay out there to the couples my husband and I mentor.  Here goes:

What level of intimacy would you display in front of your parents, siblings or friends?  That should be the intimacy standard in your dating relationship.

By the way, pregnancy is still a possibility even when intercourse has not occured.  Sperm — even a man's clear pre-cum fluid — has a radar that often navigates it's way into the vagina, even through non-intercourse activity.

The ultimate way to safeguard your purity, if you honestly want to follow God's design for your relationship, is to keep the clothes on. 

There really is no "workaround" to maintaining purity.  Either you're pure or you're not.  It's a mindset of obedience to God.

Romans 12:2 — Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Cool Interview: Steve Fee

This week I had the privilege of interviewing my favorite worship artist, Steve Fee with the rock-worship band, Fee. I was first aware of Steve when they were an independent band and they led worship at our church. Phenomenal.

The band is now signed with INO Records; their debut album, We Shine, was released last fall, a re-release of the indi album of the same title.

Why does a marriage ministry/website interview Christian music artists? Great question. It's because we recognize the importance of spiritual intimacy in marriage — and worship can be an integral part of that intimacy. It is in my marriage.

Watch for the Steve Fee interview on Growthtrac and listen for excerpts on Growthtrac Radio.

An Awesome "Thank You" From the Newlyweds!

Recently, our daughter married the love of her life in a really cool, but different setting: the second floor of a theatrical building.

The venue had three distinct and different rooms: a Brides' Room complete with fireplace, couches and love seats; a simply decorated Ceremony Room; and an Artsy Room for the luncheon. Guests gathered for the ceremony, followed by hors d'oeuvre back in the bride's room, finishing a few steps away into the luncheon room. The genre was very intimate for their 50 guests.

The second floor treasure had many windows that overlooked a quaint downtown area of the city. Sunlight poured in beginning with the 11 am ceremony and lasted until we finished the luncheon at 1 pm. A Christian music CD played in the background for the entire time. Soft drinks, juices and coffee/tea were served — it was perfect!

The officiate was an elder from their church who had a lengthy relationship with them ... there was one bride's maid and groom's man... and... and... The chef was The Former chief “cullinarian” for World Wrestling Entertainment under Vince McMahon. Think of that!

There were many touching moments that gripped our hearts, but one consistently remains at the forefront still today: their comments thanking all of us who witnessed their ceremony at the end of the luncheon. They expressed that everyone who should have been there that day were there because of the significant part they played during my daughter and son-in-law's sexually pure courtship. They indicated that the list was virtually easy to develop. It wasn't a matter of friends or relatives or people at work or fifth-cousins on their in-laws side — just those who genuinely and significantly had a Christian impact on their lives.

Of all the weddings that Erika and I have attended within the past 15 years as pre-marriage mentors, we have never been so touched by a thank you such as that.

As they gathered their gifts and were about to drive off into ecstasy, I whispered in my newest son-in-law's left ear.... Be gentle, Son!!!

He winked, smiled and kissed me back on my cheek. He knew what I meant!

Sex: "Business Time" ...

Intimacy in marriage is a curious thing.  So often the ideals and dreams that we have about intimacy going into marriage don’t materialize into fairy-tale, or even Hollywood realities.

In the movies and storybooks, the conditions are always perfect:  soft lights, romantic music, eager participants and lots of time.  Enter the real world, with out-of-control schedules, demanding children, financial stresses, relational struggles and tired spouses.  Sometimes it’s all we can do to just come together—and we often simply settle for what we can get.

See if you can relate to this humorous video about Business Time from a group called, Flight of the Conchords.  While we don’t endorse everything these guys do, we thought they did a nice job of capturing some of the realities of marital intimacy—once the shine has come off the apple a bit.  We thought it might bring a chuckle to your day.

Let us know what you think.

Long Time, No Blogging

To our loyal readers and subscribers, my apologies for the light activity here on the blog. We've been busy launching Growthtrac Radio and with marriage events and ministry coaching. Now that the dust has settled I hope to get this baby back on track.

Thanks. Talk soon.