New research suggests that the preverbal seven year itch might be the three year itch.
Professor Kelly Musick co-authored a new marriage study which looked at two sets of couples: those together for one-to-three years and those together for four-to-six years.
Kelly Musick, author: We found that relationships seem to deteriorate in a relatively short period of time.
Rachel Sussman, Marriage & Family Therapist: People are so used to being bombarded with stimulation; they need stimulation on a regular basis. If they're not feeling stimulated 24-7 they get bored.
So, what makes a marriage work? According to a recent survey (2007 Pew research Center), Faithfulness was 93%, saying it matters the most; 70% say a satisfying sex life; and 62% say sharing the household chores.
For most people, marriage is still the ideal. But long term happiness with the same person, may be allusive.
Kelly Musick, author: There's something getting in between what people want & fantasize about marriage and what they actually do.
Rachel Sussman, Marriage & Family Therapist: We're a disposable society and I think statistics are showing that marriages are disposable as well.
Are we confusing being in love with just liking somebody?
Ian Kerner, Clinical Sexologist: I think in the first couple years of a relationship, nature gives us a free pass when it comes to feelings like excitement and infatuation and romantic love. There's such a potent neuro-chemical cocktail surging through our bodies. After a couple years those chemicals wane and nature pulls the rug out from under us. So I think by the time we hit three years, we're thinking how can we get this scratched, and we don't have the first clue how to get it scratched within our relationship
Do we see more women experience this than men?
Dr. Dale Atkins, author: It's actually equal (at least in my practice). We forget about commitment, we forget why we got together in the first place which was to build a life together, and to respect and care about the other person even more than ourselves.
Ian Kerner, Clinical Sexologist: You know, relationships aren't fundamentally in and of themselves exciting. They're based on responsibility, trust, accountability, predictability.
But when it comes to attraction, desire, and chemistry, we need some fire, we need newness, we need unpredictability, and spontaneity. We need to realize there's a space for a danger zone too.
Dr. Dale Atkins, author: And you have to make time for that. You can't do that if you're totally preoccupied with other things in your life. And marriage is not a day in the park. Marriage is about the every day, and remember -- you are both imperfect.
Ian Kerner, Clinical Sexologist: The difference that makes marriages successful is what I call the five-to-one rule. Try to maintain a 5-1 ratio of positive to negative transactions in the relationship. Stay positive!
