Growthtrac insidetrac, Life Changing Marriage Resources

Insidetrac Podcast #3

Important Please Read

• Our Forums: Growthtrac Community
• An Interview with Dr. Steve Stephens
• Upcoming Projects

Read Sheri's Marriage Partnership article

How to Make Love to Your Wife

From our friend Bowden over at Counseling Notes.

Bailey Molineux is a psychologist in Helena, Montana. Writing in the Independent Record, Dr. Molineux addresses a difficulty in marital therapy:

My favorite question to ask in marital therapy is: “What have you done to contribute to the behavior of your spouse about which you are complaining?”

It usually throws people for a loop because they want to focus on their spouse’s problems and annoyances and not have to look at their own behavior in the marital interaction.

One complaint men may make in couples counseling is the frequency (or infrequency) of sex in the marriage. Dr. Molineux attempts to turn this around; trying to get men to stop focusing on what she’s not doing and start focusing on what they can do. With that in mind, he offers these tips on How to Make Love to Your Wife.

Spend quality or intimate time with your spouse, talking about your day, deep feelings, hopes for the future, etc.

Make sure she feels loved and cherished by you. She should get the message that you are not just interested in sex but in making love to her as a way to express your love for her.

Perhaps one of the most romantic things you can do is to take out the garbage in the morning without being asked. You should share household chores as a way of expressing love to your wife.

Be a patient, gentle, considerate, lover. Be as interested in her pleasure as your own. And honor her request to stop if she is experiencing pain. After all it’s her body not yours.

Don’t grab your wife to initiate love-making. Ask first.

Probably the worst thing you could do to discourage lovemaking is to criticize your spouse for being cold or frigid when you are part of the problem.

You can read the whole article here.

No Regrets

Did you catch the previews of the Terri Irwin interview?

In the interview with Barbara Walters, Terri Irwin spoke emotionally about her fairytale marriage with Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin.

"If I had to do it all over again, even knowing how it ended, I would in a minute," Terri told Walters in the interview to be broadcast in the US tonight.

In the interview, Terri spoke about the love she has for her husband, who died earlier this month on the Great Barrier Reef when a stingray shot a barb into his heart.

"I feel I was so blessed," Terri told Walters.

"I had the best 14 years, two beautiful children, and just a romance like I didn't think existed anymore."

Guys, shouldn't it be our hope to hear that kind of interview about us when we're gone?

Steve Irwin died from a stingray barb to the chest while diving off the far north Queensland coast on September 4.

Should We Live Together?

Conclusions from social science research
According to surveys, most young people say it is a good idea to live with a person before marrying.

But a careful review of the available social science evidence suggests that living together is not a good way to prepare for marriage or to avoid divorce. What’s more, it shows that the rise in cohabitation is not a positive family trend. Cohabiting unions tend to weaken the institution of marriage and pose special risks for women and children. Specifically, the research indicates that:

Living together before marriage increases the risk of breaking up after marriage.

Living together outside of marriage increases the risk of domestic violence for women, and the risk of physical and sexual abuse for children.

Unmarried couples have lower levels of happiness and well being than married couples.

From the executive summary, Should We Live Together?, by David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead

Insidetrac Podcast #2

Important Please Read

• An Interview with Paul Coughlin
• An "Ah-Ha" Moment
• Getting Un-Stuck

Bono, Poverty, and AIDS

At our church this weekend, we were treated to an interview with U2’s Bono. The video piece was originally aired at Willow Creek’s Leadership Summit this past August. to thousands of (church and marketplace)  leaders worldwide.

A comment from a pastor after seeing the interview said it all: The pastor said he began wondering if Bono was a Christian; After the interview, the pastor wondered if he (himself) was a Christian.

Bono has leveraged his celebrity to strategically focus attention on world hunger and AIDS, causing change through his One.org organization and by influencing difference-makers globally.

Check out Bono’s website and the short clip below... and ask God how you should respond.

Amy Grant Receives Star on Hollywood Walk of Fame

Today, after selling over 25 million albums worldwide, winning numerous GRAMMY® Awards and countless other career milestones, Amy Grant has added a Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame to her list of career accolades.  With friends, family, industry VIPs and fans in attendance, Grant’s husband/country music star Vince Gill and founder of A&M Records Jerry Moss spoke at the September 19th ceremony, along with Johnny Grant, Honorary Mayor of Hollywood and Walk of Fame Chairman.  Grant’s Star is located on Hollywood Boulevard in front of the Virgin Records store, next to John Travolta and movie legend Buster Crabbe’s Stars, and also just down the sidewalk from Billy Graham’s star. 

Upon her acceptance of the honor, Grant commented, ”I see all my family, co-workers and friends and I have to say, nothing happens alone.  Life is like a massive vessel, you don’t sail alone……It’s been an exciting ride!  Thank you.”

Insidetrac Podcast #1

Important Please Read

Here it is: the first Insidetrac Podcast!

• An Introduction to Insidetrac & Growthtrac
• Excerpt from a recent Steven Curtis Chapman Interview
• Coming up on Growthtrac and future Podcasts

Pre-Marital Education Cuts Divorce Risk By 31%

Another study recently published shows the benefits of pre-marital education as a primary divorce prevention tool that engaged and newlywed couples can utilize to enhance marital satisfaction and stability.

In a random telephone survey of 3,344 adults published in the Journal of Family Psychology, the co-author Scott Stanley reports that couples who took a pre-marital education class reduced their risk of divorce by 31%. He concluded that taking a skill based pre-marital education class was associated with “higher levels of marital satisfaction, lower levels of destructive conflicts and higher levels of interpersonal commitment to spouses”. Impressively, benefits were consistent across race, income
and education.

This is the fourth study in the last twelve years to establish the effectiveness of skill-based programs in promoting marital satisfaction and longevity. Marriage preparation used to be the province of churches and religious organizations. Secular, non-religious, skill based workshop programs have cropped up in the last eight years and now account for approximately 50% of all pre-marital education (others include pre-marital counseling, meeting with clergy, taking relationship inventories).

What is Marriage Mentoring?

marriageprep 101

What Makes for a Happy Marriage? II

• An admiration of positive qualities such as honesty, generosity, decency, loyalty, and fairness.

• A strong sense of morality

• The conviction that each person is worthy of being loved

• A sense of reality, in that there are some problems but that they are surmountable

• A view that each partner is special in some important regard

• A sense that the marriage enhances each partner

• The sense that there’s a unique fit between each partner’s needs and the spouse’s willingness and ability to meet those needs

• The sense that each partner is lucky to have the other

• An equitable division of household tasks and childrearing

• A sense that the success of the marriage is attributable to both partners

Excerpted from Happily Married for Life by Larry J. Koenig, Copyright 2006. Published by Life Journey. Used with permission.