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Making Marriage Work After Retirement

As the first baby boomers approach retirement, media reports echo with two recurring themes.

One involves the upbeat refrain that this generation will "reinvent" retirement. A second, more somber topic focuses on finances: Will they have enough money in their later years?

But few reports talk about the changing domestic arena - what it will mean for families when a huge generation of dual-career couples must navigate not just one retirement, as those like Floyd's parents typically did, but two. Accompanying that challenge are larger social shifts involving care giving, housing, and marriage. The combination, sociologists say, will subtly change the landscape of retirement for many families.

Already, two-income couples whose busy schedules may have turned them into the proverbial ships passing in the night when they were employed are finding themselves facing unaccustomed togetherness in their post-work years.

"The question becomes, 'Who is this person I'm married to?' " says Floyd, author of "Retired With Husband: Superwoman's New Challenge." Noting that the average couple engages in 20 minutes of conversation a day, she adds with a laugh, "Now here we are, together 24/7. Marriages have to be reengineered for this new era that the baby-boom generation is moving into."

That prospect of ever-longer marriage may be one reason "gray divorces appear to be on the increase. Until 2000, people over 55 had fewer divorces than the general population, Since 2000, it's considerably higher for those over 55.

"We have our own separate lives in retirement — different goals and routines. One of the key factors of how baby boomers are redefining retirement is taking more control. That's the goal they're looking for", says Denise Snodgrass, assistant director of the NC Center for Creative Retirement.

That goal will help to eliminate what she calls the glass ceiling of retirement — the limited view that causes individuals or couples to settle for predictable routines that may not be satisfying. "People say, 'Oh well, now we'll retire to the golf course.' There should be life beyond the 9th hole. We need to use this second adulthood as an opportunity to find our creativity and share it."

csmonitor

Jon Bon Jovi on Marriage

It's not often you hear a celebrity — much less a rock star — talk about family, marriage, and his desire to not blow it. That's exactly what Jon Bon Jovi did last night on CNN's Larry King Live. Way to go Bon Jovi.

Larry King

How do you keep the long-lasting love alive between you and your high school sweetheart wife after all these years — and all the temptations?

Bon Jovi
I just feel I got it right the first time. Not too many guys can say that, but it would be the worst deal I ever made if I blew it. I don't have any intention of blowing it. I like her, first of all; and of course I love her. And we have four great kids, healthy kids. What's not to like? It's a great deal.

Larry King
Been tempted?

Bon Jovi
I wouldn't, no. In fact I really feel sad when I hear "this actor is with this actress, this actress is with this actor" and six months later she's telling the tabloid she's in love with this other guy.

I think they're lonely on birthdays & Christmas. I just don't think it's worth playing the game.

When Friendship Become An Emotional Affair

There was a very good segment on the Weekend Today show this past Saturday about emotional attachment being a form of infidelity. Unfortunately, many married individuals don't see it that way.

I've brought this topic up before on the blog. I've decided to address it again because it's a huge issue in so many Christian marriages.  The comment was made by Dr. Dale Atkins that emotional attachment can be more damaging than a sexual affair because the "heart" is involved.   She boldly said, " Understand that even if you have not slept with this person, you've cheated."

I find it interesting that this topic was discussed in mainstream media since a majority of the time you get the message "if it feels good, go for it". 

The warning signs they addressed were:

1) Keeping secrets

2) Fantacizing about someone other than your spouse

3) Withholding - sharing dreams and aspirations with someone other than your spouse

4) Would you feel embarrassed if your spouse could see what you were doing or could read your e-mails or listen to your phone calls?

5) When you've given your heart away.

Check it out http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14287231/

Are You Keeping Money Secrets from Your Spouse?

In a recent nationwide survey, more than 70 percent of married couples admitted to keeping money secrets from their husband or wife.

You might not think it's a big deal to hide a new pair of shoes or other small item, but would you believe that some financial experts actually recommend that women hide money from their husbands?

Heidi Evan, author of How to Hide Money from Your Husband, said, “We live longer than men.  Our retirement money is less.  Women leave the workforce to raise children or take care of elderly parents, and so their pensions are not the same as men.”

For Cindy Silva, her husband's habit of hiding purchases turned her world upside down.  After he racked up $60,000 dollars in credit card debt, she was forced to refinance their home.

“It made me feel stupid that I didn't know it was going on. It made me feel afraid, because I now felt attached to that debt, and I don't live my life like that,” Silva said.

“If you are married and you have joint accounts with your spouse, and your spouse racks up a whole lot of debt and doesn't pay it back, you are absolutely on the hook as well,” said ABC News financial contributor Mellody Hobson. “There is no saying, ‘It wasn't me.'  The creditors aren't going to listen.”

Financial advisors say that listening to each other is one of the best things you can do.

They recommend regular "money dates," where you review spending, savings and long-term planning. Also, consider a professional organization that specializes in helping couples with money issues.

Such practices will not only bolster your budget, they can strengthen your marriage as well.

CBN