Growthtrac insidetrac, Life Changing Marriage Resources

Each Day I Have A Choice

Each morning when I wake up I can hug and kiss my spouse
Or I can roll over and turn my back

I can lovingly prepare a cup of coffee or a piece of toast
Or I can say, “Get your own.”

I can give my spouse a kiss/hug when I leave for work
Or I can leave without saying a word

I can call or send an e-mail during the day to say “I love you”
Or I can ignore phone calls/e-mails and pretend I was too busy

I can walk in the door at night with a kiss and hug to say, “Hello, I’m glad to be home.”
Or I can ignore the one I married

I can pray with my spouse for five minutes each day to thank God for being faithful, for providing for us, for protection over our marriage and for help with our needs and those of others.
Or I can ignore God and never know the plans He has for us

I can choose to Love every day
Or I can watch my marriage fade away like so many others

The choice is mine…

When Marriage Is Hard, Difficult or Impossible

Couples who has been married for several years, if they’re honest, will tell you they’ve hit rough spots in their marriage.  It might be financial, relational, sexual or family related. It’s normal. Yes, normal.

Any time you take two people who’ve been raised by different parents, in different homes, with different values, different ideas about money, sex and love, there will be moments in marriage where you clash.

I believe the true difference in how a marriage will survive is how you approach marriage when things are hard, difficult, or impossible.

A support system is the key element toward working things out.

God
A Church Home
Close Christian friends to do life with (small group/bible study)
A great Christian counselor

The most common arguments I see for not working through tough marriage issues in the Growthtrac forums are -

We don’t pray together
We don’t attend church - we can worship God at home
We don’t have close Christian friends to lean on
We can’t afford a counselor

Understanding the grace and forgiveness of God is key to extending the same grace and forgiveness in your marriage.  Attending a house of worship provides a community to come along side you. Our church family has provided gift certificates, food, and prayer when we were out of work.  Our small group/bible study was there during the death of our parents.  A very wise Christian counselor helped us walk through marriage roadblocks and provided tools for us as parents during the teenage years.  Counseling is affordable.  Many counselors will consider sliding scale payments based on your financial circumstances and many non-profits do counseling for free.

Seeking out a counselor is not a sign of weakness.  Counseling is a strengthening tool for any marriage – even a marriage that seems fairly solid.  The Godly wisdom, direction and tools provided by a counselor will help many marriages get through the “hard” times.

If you have a spouse who is unwilling to get the help needed for your relationship, please prayerfully consider seeking the help you need for yourself.  It only takes one willing heart to take a step forward to strengthen a struggling marriage.

An Excellent Date Night Idea

Try and top this one!
From our friends at Married Life

Give Your Wife (Mom) a Break

This past weekend Sheri and I brought Growthtrac to 6,000 women at the Hearts at Home national conference. This event is a full two days of workshops, worship, community, and fun for moms. The featured keynote speakers were Lysa Terkeurst & Julie Ann Barnhill and acclaimed singer-songwriter Sara Groves led some awesome worship.

Hearts at Home ministers to over 100,000 women who desire to become better educated and equipped for the profession of motherhood.

Personally, the message that hit home for me was that moms need time away. As husbands and fathers one of the best ways we can serve our wives is by giving them the the gift of freedom and permission to get away for a couple days.

Hearts at Home provides a great venue to do just that. Check it out and start planning now.

Many Americans Unbalanced in Faith & Lifestyle

The latest Barna Group survey found that 51 percent of adults identified family as their first priority and only 16 percent listed faith, making it a runner-up. Among the different people groups measured, evangelicals were twice as likely as non-evangelical born again adults and almost five times more likely than notional Christians to place faith at the top of the list.

Further in the study, however, the small percentage who placed faith as their highest life priority were among Americans who largely think of themselves as being highly spiritual. According to the survey, 59 percent of adults described themselves as a "full-time servant of God" but only 25 percent listed faith as their most important priority. And only one out of every four who consider themselves "deeply spiritual," ranked faith first.

"Spirituality is in vogue in our society today," said George Barna, founder of the research institute that bears his name. "It is popular to claim to be part of a 'faith community' or to have a spiritual commitment but what do Americans mean when they claim to be 'spiritual?'"

ChristianPost

Majority of Unchurched Claim Christian Faith

A new Barna survey found that 76 million adults in America do not attend church although more than half of the unchurched say they are Christian.

Having more than two decades of studies on the unchurched population, the Barna Group surveyed 1,003 adults from across the nation for the latest study and found that 34 percent of the adult population has not attended any type of church service or activity, other than a special event such as a funeral or wedding, during the past six months. And nearly one-quarter say that a person's faith in God is meant to be developed mainly through involvement in a local church.

Denominationally, Catholics made up the largest share of unchurched adults with 29 percent and Baptists followed with 18 percent.

Although unchurched, 77 percent say they are either absolutely or moderately committed to the Christian faith and millions of them engage in spiritual activity during a typical week. Nearly two-thirds pray to God, one-fifth read from the Bible, and five percent participate in a small group for Bible study, prayer or Christian fellowship.

ChristianPost

Behind the scenes with Rebecca St. James

Behind the Scenes video footage with Rebecca St. James recording an acoustic version of her new single, "You Are Loved".

Watch the Video Now!
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Love and Marriage - and Money

Couples need to prepare financially for that walk down the aisle

First comes love. • Then comes marriage. • But before you even think about pushing a baby carriage (or merging your bank accounts, buying a house or combining your health insurance), it's important to have that money talk with your spouse - for better, not worse.

"Newlyweds, they have this ideal, this picture of what marriage is like, something similar to their favorite memories growing up," said William Taylor, a financial adviser with Carter Financial Management in Dallas. "If only it were that simple."

Many people have trouble talking about money because money usually represents more than just dollars and cents, experts say.

"Many are unaware of the emotional load associated with money," said Olivia Mellan, author of "Money Harmony: Resolving Money Conflicts in Your Life and Relationships."

While financial planning is often the last thing a couple wants to think about, if they begin early, the payoffs can be big.

Yes, love may be able to conquer all. But remember, in order to achieve financial stability, you must act with your head, not just your heart.

Money and marriage create a double dose of emotion.

Talk. Exchange full and complete information.
Create a budget.
Know where you are today

Lansing State Journal

Growthtrac Financial Resources

Women Say a Good Marriage is Not About Money

The No. 1 factor in women's marital happiness is the "emotional engagement" of their husbands, University of Virginia researchers say.

Husbands' commitment to and support of the union is more important than money and the division of household chores, concludes the study drawn from the 5,000-couple National Survey of Families and Households.

"Conventional and academic wisdom now suggests that the 'best' marriages are unions of equals," researcher Steven Nock said. "Our work suggests that the reality is more complicated."

"Regardless of what married women say they believe about gender, they tend to have happier marriages when their husband is a good provider -- provided that he is also emotionally engaged," researcher W. Bradford Wilcox said. "I was very surprised to find that even egalitarian-minded women are happier when their marriages are organized along more gendered lines."

The study published in the journal Social Forces found the most happily married women do not work outside the home and have husbands who earn the majority of the family's income.

http://www.news-medical.net
Women's Health News

When Does It Become An Affair

In recent months one of the most visited topics in Growthtrac Community has been Emotional Affairs.  The question every one asks, "When Does It Become An Affair?"

Here's what I've gathered from many of the posts -

Over simple conversations, spending time together at work, or an innocent lunch or cup of coffee a friendship starts to develop.  The conversation eventually turns personal with compliments about hair, clothing, or fragrance.  Stories are shared about difficulties at home; feelings of disconnection, lack of fun, and a spouse who seldom listens.  Slowly there's a spark of excitement... this person notices me!  At than moment... you've begun walking down the road of an affair.  Sexual intercourse never has to enter the picture.

The progression of an affair looks like this:

Connection of your heart to another

Diminishing the value of marriage vows

Sharing intimate details and feelings

An emotional hook - all you can think about is this person

Comparing the qualities of this individual to what your spouse lacks

Romantic fantasy

Thinking God won't notice your thoughts

Avoiding prayer, church, or God's word

But don't think you've preserved your virtue simply by staying out of bed. You're heart can be corrupted by lust quicker than your body. Matthew 5:28 (The Message)