Compromise Around Sex

Relationship Tip: Compromise Around Sex

Michele Weiner Davis, author of The Sex-Starved Marriage finds
that couples are open to compromise in most aspects of their
relationship except one—sex. Curiously, she reports that when a
couple have a disparity in sexual desire between the two people,
instead of negotiating a compromise, couples are more likely to
make a unilateral decision—her way or his way often becomes the
standard. Not compromising results in stagnation, and eventually
frustration and resentment for the unfulfilled one.

According to research, in couples that are happy enough with
their sex lives, sex only accounts for 15% of their marital
satisfaction. However, in couples where either one of them is
unhappy with their sex lives, sex accounts for 85% of their
marital satisfaction. Please do not avoid this important topic.

Set aside some time to talk about your sex life. What is
positive? What would you like to improve or change?  How do each
of you feel about the frequency? Who is initiating? Quality of
lovemaking? Is it still satisfying and interesting?

A common difference (even in newlywed couples) is where one prefers
morning lovemaking; the other prefers evening sex. How about
taking turns? Their way one time, yours the next.
Or, how about a compromise-afternoon sex? Who says that sex
always has to follow dinner? What about physical intimacy as an
appetizer? Have a sense of humor about the differences, but
consider compromising when it comes to difference in the bedroom too.

Sit down together and brainstorm about how you can improve your
sex life. Share preferences (i.e. enjoy being teased, freshly
shaven) or like the “au natural” (sweaty post exercise).  Really,
there is so much variation when it comes to sexual desire. Talk
to your partner about it and realize that these preferences can
change over time too.

Michele Weiner Davis says, “Do not be complacent. For people who
like physical touch and sex, there is not substitute-all of the
home cooked meals aren’t going to make them feel loved”!

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