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Sex Does A Body Good

We know sex is fun but did you know it can also make you healthy?
Frequent sex (once or more per week) may help us to live longer
and healthier according to Dr. Stephen Bogdewic, of Family
Medicine at Indiana University School of Medicine.
"If a new drug had that same impact, virtually every doctor in
the country would be recommending it."

Sex offers many health benefits that may be initially overlooked.
First, it's a physical activity that gets the heart pumping and
gives the muscles a workout. (However, a half-hour of sex only
burns about 50 calories, so don't think this can be your only
form of exercise!) It also triggers the release of endorphins,
natural opiates, and oxytocin, a hormone that encourages us to
bond. Oxytocin is the same hormone that is released when a mother
nurses her baby, so now wonder it makes us want to cuddle! Blood
flow to the brain is increased and fresh oxygen pulses through
our body. Studies show that sex stimulates the immune system.
Regular sex also improves mental health by putting us in a better
mood and improving our sleep.

Metrosexual Matrimony

The day has come when some men are just as involved as their
brides in the wedding process. Apparently, even the grooms are
waxing, tanning and getting their teeth whitened for the
occasion!. In terms of the wedding planning, gone are the days
when the guys handled only the alcohol and music, leaving
everything else for the bride. An article in the October 3rd
issue of Time Magazine calls this new development “Metrosexual
Matrimony”.

NPD Research, a New York marketing firm, reports than some 80% of
men are just as active in the wedding planning as their brides.
Wedding planners are also noticing the new trend which some admit
can make their job a little more stressful. “Now we have both of
them calling me 5 or 6 times a day,” one wedding coordinator
said. Another area where the men have really stepped up is in the
proposal process. Forget about simply getting down on one knee to
pop the question. Creating a wedding proposal is now seen as an
integral part of constructing one’s life story—it MUST be
memorable. For example, one “groomzilla” in Georgia arranged to
be delivered inside a large gift-wrapped box to his fiance’s
seventh grade class. As she unwrapped the box, he popped out with
the ring and a proposal that would make Shakespeare proud.
Needless to say, the class loved it. The bride definitely had a
story to pass on to her grandchildren!

For more, see our article Location, Catering, Flowers...Marriage Prep?

Marriage Prep 101

Affair Recovery

I found an interesting blog at Bowden McElroy's Counseling Notes.

In the midst of affair recovery, Sheri and I are often asked, "Who do we tell?"

If you're digging out of an affair and you're trying to do it right, who needs to know? Who to tell, and not tell, is always a difficult decision.

From a counselor’s viewpoint, Bowden offers some excellent advice. Thanks Bowden.

Don’t tell: your family (parents, siblings, favorite aunt, etc.) If,  the marriage succeeds, you and your spouse will move beyond the affair. Your parents won’t. Most likely, you will always be the one who hurt their little boy or little girl.

Don’t tell: your kids. If the marriage doesn’t survive there will be plenty of time later for the two of you to determine together what to tell the children. The kids will know something is wrong (children are little barometers of marital stress) but they won’t know what’s wrong. I believe it’s important to assure them the stress is real (don’t ever lie to your children) but has nothing to do with them. Mother and Dad both love them. The stress is adult business that they won’t understand at this time.

Don’t tell: everyone at church. Or, in your small group Bible study. The key word here is everyone. We’re looking for a successful ending to the crisis. It’s not reasonable to cajole church members into picking sides and then expect them to put aside their biases down the road. Plus, you’re still married… still a team. You may have the freedom to tell your story, but to tell your spouse’s story without his/her permission will damage the process of rebuilding trust. Besides, once the story is around the church your children will hear it from someone other than you. Always a very bad idea.
There will come a time later when the two of you can share your story of recovery together for the benefit of others who may be going through the same thing. But not at first.

Do tell: your pastor. Your pastor can either provide marital counseling (some are very skilled at this) or make a referral to a professional. He can also offer encouragement, hope, and confrontation if one or both of you need it.

Do tell: your primary care physician. There will be a roller coaster of emotions. Medication may be helpful to sleep, keep up your appetite, or deal with depression. You may also want to be tested for S.T.D.’s.

Do tell: a marriage counselor.

Do tell: a very few, very select, same gender, Christian friends who will support the two of you without picking sides. A good friend is like a good coach: he knows when to put his arm around you and tell you to hang in there; and when to give you a swift kick in the rear and tell you to take another lap.

Controlled Separation

Experts are calling this the age of divorce, but before many couples get to that point, they choose to separate.

There are currently 4.5 million separated men and women in the U.S. There are few rules to the traditional separation, and they are commonly viewed as a prelude to the final split. But there is another kind of breakup that that may lead some couples back to bliss.

Leah and Nathaniel Klug are happily married now, but there was a time when a breakdown of communication had them at odds.

"We were at the point where I'd walk in the door, 'Hi', and that was pretty much it," Nathaniel says.

The Klugs opted for a trial separation, but it left them feeling more anger toward each other. Leah and Nathaniel decided to try something new, called a controlled separation.

"Controlled separation is a time limited contract as a way of getting some time apart,” says couples specialist Meg Haycraft. “There are specifics in the contract that really awaken people so each person, to some degree, has to strive towards cleaning up their act."

The contracts are negotiated with a counselor, not a divorce lawyer.

"They know that they're going to get a lot of help learning how to confront, how to communicate better," says therapist Lee Raffel.

To start, couples must agree not to file for divorce during their controlled separation. They negotiate everything from the length of the agreement, to childcare, dating, sex, and who moves out.

"Are they going to permit hand holding, hugging, kissing, intercourse?” Raffel asks. “All these things are decided, so nothing's left to chance."

If something doesn’t work, it can be fixed.

"There clearly have been parts of the contract that some people find one or two weeks into it are not acceptable, and they will quickly call back and need to revise that," Haycraft says.

At the end of the contract, couples decide on next steps. Experts say it is no cure, but Leah and Nathaniel say it helped them concentrate on fixing their relationship.

CBS5.com

Strategic Chili

This past weekend, we paired-up with a neighbor couple and organized our First Annual Chili Cook off.

But this wasn't just any neighborhood get together.

We live in a community of new homes with lots of young families who've lived here a year or less. We're guessing that most of us are unconnected — and probably un-churched — and could benefit from some introductions and new relationships.

We began simply with a vision of facilitating neighborhood connection, which might in time develop friendships and establish a support system of caring friends. And who knows: eventually deeper relationships may develop; we begin doing life together; enrich marriages; an invitation to church...

So we planned, mailed out invites, rented the tables & chairs, bought the ice & soft drinks plugged-in the crock pots, and prayed. There was no agenda. No evangelism or "church talk".

We had a great turn out. Forty new friends laughed and ate chili on this crisp fall afternoon. Success. Good chili too.

We're planning a Christmas cookie exchange (our Third Annual) this December. We're thinking about being a little more purposeful and actually tossing out a "community group" (small group) invitation.

Music

I had a chance to listen to the new Casting Crowns, Lifesong recently.  There is a particular song that I had to hit "replay" on several times called Praise You In This Storm.

When life gets us down and hands us horrible circumstances we often look to God with anger rather than praise.  That's what struck me about the lyrics of this beautiful song. I need to praise God not only when things are good in my life but also when I'm traveling through some tough obstacles as well.

Music draws me closer to God on a daily basis.  Sometimes when it is difficult for me to pray or even pick up my bible and read, the words provided through worship and praise music lift me up and draws me closer to God.  Listen in the bathroom in the morning, listen in the car, listen in the kitchen - turn off the TV and listen.  He is still there in the midst of our turmoil - words/praise/worship and prayer through music can say the words we cannot speak to Him ourselves.

Praise and worship music is just one more way I find to connect to God, my husband and my family.  It brings us intimately closer when my words are not enough to comfort those I love.  Take a good listen, then a second one.  I believe you will love Praise You in This Storm as much as do.

See the Growthtrac Music Channel