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Top Five Issues

I just read an article authored by Peter J. Larson, Ph.D. Dr. Larson recently looked at a sample of 10,000 individuals (5,000 men and 5,000 women) who took ENRICH.

The ENRICH Inventory is a 165-item marriage assessment tool designed to be taken by married couples seeking enrichment or marital counseling. Clergy, counselors, and marriage educators are trained in the administration and use of the inventories, as well as providing feedback to couples using 6 skills-building exercises.

Dr. Larson identified and compared the top issues men and women most often highlight as concerns in their relationship. The top 5 concerns for men and women are listed below.

Top 5 issues women reported:
1. My spouse can be too stubborn
2. Some differences never seem to get resolved
3. I wish my husband were more willing to share his feelings with me
4. Wish Partner were less critical/negative
5. My partner often doesn’t understand how I feel

Top 5 issues men reported:
1. My spouse can be too stubborn
2. Difficulty dealing with partner’s moodiness
3. Some differences never seem to get resolved
4. Serious disputes over unimportant issues
5. Wish Partner were less critical/negative

In digesting the items on these lists, it was striking that 3 of the top 5 issues for men and women show up in both lists. Both men and women complain that their partner can be too stubborn and critical, and wish their differences could get resolved. Out of 165 items, men and women both gravitate towards these same areas of complaint.

Another interesting finding is what is unique on the men and women’s lists. The issues of communicating and expressing feelings emerge as clear problem areas. The women want to connect with their husbands on an emotional level (#3 and #5 of the female list), but men seem to feel overwhelmed by strong expressions of emotion and don’t realize that the surface issues are often fueled by powerful underlying feelings (#2, and #4 from the male list).

These findings are consistent with the research of John Gottman and Scott Stanley.

The Early Years of Marriage

I just came across a book that I really like for To be Marrieds or Newly Marrieds called, Adventures in Holy Matrimony by Julie Anne Fidler.  It can be previewed at:

http://www.relevantbooks.com/Books/holy_mat_real/holy_mat_sample.pdf

She is amazingly honest about her marriage with a willingness to share the extreme ups and downs of the first fews years.  The book will give couples an insight into what real expectations for marriage should look like, how one cannot hide their past without disrupting their future and the amazing ability for God to heal and restore a hurting marriage.

There is one sentence that has stuck with me in Chapter 2 - "But I also know that painful doesn't equal hopeless."   Sometimes through the darkness and pain of struggles in my own marriage, God has done his best work in me.  He restored my broken and hopeless marriage many years ago.

He can bring hope, passion and love back to yours...

Tom Cruise: Evangelist

Tom Cruise is everywhere, promoting his summer film, War of the Worlds. Cruise has given Scientology quite a PR boost too.

By his account, Tom Cruise owes his cool head, defeat of dyslexia and, in a way, his unstoppable stardom to Scientology. I took the constant interviews in stride until I caught an interview on the Today Show the other day.

In the interview Cruise told Matt Lauer, "It's like, you could be a Christian and be a Scientologist..."

I'll give Tom the benefit of the doubt. I don't think he knows Christianity as well as Scientology.

Sure, a Christian could practice Scientology, but two contrary religions cannot be true.  In fact fundamentals like God, man, salvation and death are at odds. Christianity and Scientology stand in diametrical opposition to one another. You can't have it both ways and, by implying that you can, Scientology clearly loses credibility. Don't get swept up in this Hollywood hype.

The Basics

God
Usually the individual Scientologist is free to interpret God in whatever manner he or she wishes.¹

Man
Scientology maintains that in his true nature, man is not the limited and pitiful body and ego he mistakenly imagines himself to be. He is a thetan whose fundamental nature is basically good and divine. He is not morally fallen; rather he is simply ignorant of his own perfection. His only "Fall" was into matter, not sin. .² The PERSON in Scientology is (and discovers himself to be) a Thetan (spiritual being) of infinite creative potential who acts in, but is not part of, the physical universe.... ³

Creation
The universe was not created by a single supreme being ex nihilo (out of nothing), thus having a separate existence of its own. Instead, the Scientology universe constitutes a subjective, mental emanation or "projection" of the thetans, having merely an agreed-upon (and not actual) reality. Thus, the entire physical universe is a Game, a product of thetan ingenuity (designed for escaping boredom) which apparently emanates from an original thetan consensus to "create" in pre-history.⁴

Salvation
This pitiful thetan (person) slavery to MEST and his own conditioned ignorance continued for millennia until L. Ron Hubbard discovered the secret nature of humankind and pioneered a solution to the thetan's misery by developing a universal plan of salvation. Through Scientology auditing, engrams may be neutralized and the thetan made increasingly self-aware or "enlightened." By various techniques a practical methodology was developed to enable the initiate to recognize his (or her) spiritual existence, to separate from the MEST body, and to begin to exert mental control over the MEST universe. In other words, the initiate may eventually achieve a state of "clear" and then, by progressing through numerous levels of "Operating Thetan" ("OT"), increasingly achieve self-realization. (An "Operating Thetan" is one who is more and more aware of and "operating" according to his true thetan abilities.)


Read more
•Christian Research Institute
•John Ankerberg
•ChristianityToday
•BeliefNet

1Hubbard, What Is Scientology? 200. Wallis (112n.) observes that God "does not figure greatly in either theory or practice."

²See L. Ron Hubbard, Scientology: A History of Man (Sussex, England: L. Ron Hubbard Communications office, 1961), 12-76, especially 53-60 for a discussion of alleged evolutionary dynamics and their impact on one's current life. Cf. the discussion in Evans, 38-47 and Roy Wallis, The Road to Total Freedom: A Sociological Analysis of Scientology (New York: Columbia University Press, 1977), 103-4.

On panentheism see Scientology: A World Religion Emerges, 21-24; L. Ron Hubbard, Dianetics and Scientology Technical Dictionary (Los Angeles: Church of Scientology of California, 1975), 429; L. Ron Hubbard, Ceremonies of the Founding of the Church of Scientology (Los Angeles: The American St. Hill Organization, 1971), 41; Reality magazine, no. 121, 3; Hubbard, The Creation of Human Ability, 277; Advance, no. 35, 14-15; no. 36, 6.

³ Scientology: A World Religion Emerges in the Space Age, 21-24.

⁴ Ibid. Cf. Hubbard, The Creation of Human Ability, 9-21; Hubbard, Technical Dictionary, 432; and L. Ron Hubbard, Scientology 8-8008 (Los Angeles: The American St. Hill Organization, 1967), 106-8.

The Husband Your Wife Wants You to Be

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Scheduling Intimacy

An article on ChristianityToday says putting sex on the calendar makes it a date to remember!

These days married couples lead busy lives – especially if they have kids! It's a struggle to keep things marriage-centered. The suggested solution keys in on creative date ideas, inexpensive childcare options, and the importance of connecting on a daily basis –  And scheduling your sex life.

How does planned lovemaking benefit a marriage? Consider these advantages:

• It eliminates "The Ask"
• It increases desire
• It increases anticipation
• It allows for prime-time planning
• It helps couples prepare physically
• It builds trust
  
  
  

Staying Together

Researchers have begun to identify which qualities in a couple make for lasting relationships. The findings challenge some common assumptions – for example, couples that fight a lot are beyond help.

Over more than two decades of videotaping and analyzing the behavior of happy and unhappy couples, Dr. John Gottman of the Relationship Research Institute in Seattle has found that all couples fight and that most fights are never resolved.

What is different between happy and unhappy couples is the way they fight.

Happy couples punctuate their arguments with positive interactions, he says, like interjecting humor or smiling in fond recognition of a partner's foibles.

Unhappy couples' arguments are characterized by criticism, defensiveness and negative gestures.

Of course, even the happiest of couples can get nasty sometimes. But Dr. Gottman has found that as long as the ratio of positive to negative interactions is at least 5-to-1, the relationship thrives.

When it dips below that, he says, he can predict with almost certain accuracy that a couple will divorce.

Dr. Gottman says therapists can use this information to help keep couples together.

"You can't just teach a couple to avoid conflict," he says.

"You have to build friendship and intimacy into the relationship. If you don't, the relationship gets crusty and mean."

DallasNews.com

Jeff Deyo New Release

"Surrender" to release August 2nd!
We're excited to announce the upcoming release of "Surrender", Jeff's first live record since Sonicpraise in 2000! As expected, Surrender is 100% worship and 100% passion!!! It was powerfully recorded together with 23,000 passionate worshipers at the Parachute Festival in New Zealand ("Middle Earth" for you Lord of the Rings fans) in January of this year. It was an incredible blessing for Jeff and the band to participate in such an amazing festival and to have been able to capture on CD all that God did in those powerful, worshipful moments. Get it Here!

Summer Reading

Grab the lemonade and find some shade. Here's some great reading.

	Jesus with Dirty Feet Don Everts		The Jesus I Never Knew Yancey		Let Your Life Speak Palmer
	Celebration of Discipline Foster		God Is Closer Than You Think Ortberg		15 Minutes Alone with God Barnes

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