The Learning Curve

This morning, counseling a couple in their final pre-marriage mentoring session, I wanted to recap with a few brilliant words of wisdom. I gave them my Learning Curve story.

Not particularly clever or original, this story describes my own skills disorder figuring out the basics of happy marriage. Oh, I’m sure my wife will claim her share of the blame. It takes two. But if I had come around sooner, I believe our own marriage would have turned the corner much sooner.

This couple has personality issues – which means they frequently get on each others nerves. They are very different people, and there is a temptation to change each other.

My advice was this:

• You can’t change each other. Don’t try.
• Be flexible – most of the time you’ll never resolve major issues. Learn to distinguish solvable problems.
• Be a servant. Serve each other.
• Respect each other.

Small changes make big improvements. The faster you get on board with the fundamentals, the sooner you’ll have a strong, satisfying marriage.