Is your love tough enough?

We have a new addition to our family - Shatzi, a Shitzu/Bision puppy!

After several months, we recently enrolled her in a puppy training class. What an incredible experience it has been so far: Shatzi can "come", "sit" and then "sit" and also "come" - that's after only two weeks! I have to brag as much as you'll allow.

She's smart- like her master - but needs a lot of discipline in this learning stage of her family life with us. Shatzi needs to be affirmed, praised and even rewarded for her conformity and self-controlled participation in our daily routine. Peaceful existence is the desired outcome of her training.

It wasn't always that way when we first brought her home at 8 weeks. Naturally, she tried to run the household and demanded consistent immediate attention. Biting, scratching, "messing" in the house, attacking Samson our 5 yr/old cat (I hate cats!) and barking endlessly all night long. We were ready to give up feeling that all was lost. We lost hope.

We knew we had to set boundaries to let her know that some of her actions were not tolerated and that there are consequences for same. Hence, doggie training!

We are learning that we must understand Shatzi's behavior language in order to communicate with her. By "listening" to her demands and needs, we will be able to understand her behaviors so we then can set appropriate boundaries and consequences as an act of tough love. Her gaze becomes very intense when I "get tough" and draw a line in the grass (pardon the pun).

Interesting analogy for our marriages, I think. How do you react when your spouse’s behaviors are damaging to your marriage? Listening, discerning, evaluating and finally setting boundaries.

I recommend Love Must Be Tough by Dr. James Dobson (Multnomah 1983) for those who have “bent over backwards to make your partner feel loved and accepted only to be rewarded with anger, indifference, infidelity or abuse. Your spouse may even be ready to walk out the door.”

Dr. Dobson’s “tough Love" principles are really unique and effective. His strategy doesn’t require the willing cooperation of both spouses. In fact, he doesn’t recommend that both partners read this book – just the offended spouse. The book offers guidance for the best chance to rekindle the romance, renew the relationship and draw your partner back into the marriage and your arms. Dr. Dobson actually encourages the offended spouse to take a stand by setting behavioral boundaries that may include a willingness to withdraw and perhaps letting go of the offending spouse in God-honoring ways.

Chapter titles include: Opening the Cage Door, The Tougher Questions and Angry Women and Passive Men among others. It even has a chapter on Loving Toughness for Singles.

Guess what! Shatzi is responding to our boundaries and withdrawals and seems to feel more affirmed than ever. It works!

You won’t regret experiencing this strategy of tough love. This is a must read in my book!