Growthtrac insidetrac, Life Changing Marriage Resources

Books I'm Reading

Publishers send us (Growthtrac) lots of books to review and promote. Here are two titles that stand out from the crowd.

From the Steven Arterburn "every man" series, Every Man's Marriage
Guys, this is a must-read. Whether you are a husband or planning to be one, this book will help you grasp and apply key principles related to biblical authority, submission, and servanthood... Basics a lot of us don't do well.

Not a new book, Dr. James Dobson's Love Must Be Tough offers guidance that gives you the best chance of saving your marriage. Communication, drawing boundaries, rekindling romance, tough love... Excellent.

Commitment in Marriage

Commitment in marriage is taking the long-term view. Like investing in the stock market, the longer the horizon the more likely it is we will see positive results in the end.

I think Christians seek a divorce when they become convinced of two things: staying in this marriage means being miserable the rest of my life. And, God will forgive me if I divorce. If I were absolutely convinced those were my only options available, I might be tempted to justify divorce.

There is, happily, a third option: staying married and figuring out a way to be happy. For some this is a shift in perspective, it never occurred to them they could contribute to their own happiness. For others, this represents a crisis of faith: is God big enough to change my marriage.

The long-term view is one that says, I may be miserable now but I have time ahead of me for things to change.

(Bowden McElroy)

Chris Tomlin makes Radio History

One of the premier songwriters of today, sixstepsrecords/Sparrow Records’ Chris Tomlin, makes radio history with his first two radio singles from his current, widely acclaimed recording, Arriving, as the album’s sales continue to soar.

Known for writing Forever, We Fall Down, The Wonderful Cross, Famous One and more anthems sung by millions of people each week in churches around the world, Tomlin’s radio single Indescribable, which held the No. 1 position on multiple charts last fall and was released July 21, 2004, continues to be one of the most played songs at Christian radio.

If Chris Tomlin is not in your library, you're missing out. For more Chris Tomlin music, also check out the Passion, live worship albums. Excellent.

• Read our Exclusive Interview with Chris

What would Jesus watch?

Some guys in Grand Rapids (Michigan) hope their DVDs answer the question ...

Watch for something new in your Christian bookstore.

Zondervan is aggressivey marketing a series on ten DVDs, designed to give you an inspirational jump-start in 12 minutes or less. Each movie is all about a specific, plain-and-simple spiritual topic: approaches to promoting forgiveness, overcoming rejection or soothing stress.

These short stories, called NOOMA, are produced by a group in Grand Rapids, including Rob Bell, pastor at Mars Hill Bible Church.

Zondervan is preparing to ship the first 10 DVD movies, subtitled in seven languages, to hundreds of Christian bookstores around the world in the next couple of weeks. And for the next wave, Zondervan will aim the distribution at bigger retail chains.

Teenage Pregnancy

I recently came across a new book written by Ruth Bell Graham called, I'm Pregnant, Now What? It is amazingly honest and I give Ruth a great deal of credit for coming forward with her story and that of her daughter.

Within the Christian community I've found this to be a silent topic. As Christian parents, we bury our heads in the sand; our kid's sexuality is above reproach. We'd never consider them having sex prior to marriage.

From my own personal experience and pain with my two daughters and three pregnancies prior to marriage, it does happen.  I always spoke to my girls about abstinence, honoring God with their minds and their bodies and many others things.  They chose a different path.

What it has shown me is - I'm not a perfect parent and my daughters are not perfect children.  There is no such thing.  I've been reminded by God that I am a child with many faults and many sins of my own that have been forgiven over and over again.  I always expected perfection from my daughters in their sexuality, but I was not perfect in my choices as a teen either.  Were you?

Parents, love your children through their choices - good or bad.  Remember the grace God has given you when you have been less than obedient.  And - talk about it. Share this with people in your church.  It needs to be talked about more openly and honestly.  Teen pregancy statistics are not all that different with children raised in Christian homes.

I'm Pregnant, Now What? by Ruth Graham

Sex, not Money, Buys Happiness

Study says...

Increasing sex frequency from once a month to at least once a week provides as much happiness as a $50,000-a-year raise, according to a paper titled "Money, Sex and Happiness: An Empirical Study," submitted to the National Bureau of Economic Research, one of the leading organizations in its field.

The findings come from two economists - David Blanchflower of England's Dartmouth College and Andrew Oswald of the University of Warwick in England - who are leaders in a growing field known as "happiness economics," which includes research on how such things as unemployment or the position of an employee's desk affect happiness.

"I think it says more money is not going to bring you as much happiness as a good family life," Blanchflower said.

(Arizona Republic)

Purity

I read an AP story (No Sex Still Risky: Study) today which questions the value of teens committed to sexual purity. The study revealed that among this group, there is a higher instance of STDs. Though these teens are "technically virgins", they are more likely to engage in other high-risk sexual (non-intercourse) behavior.

Inspired by Bowden McElroy's blog post, I too wonder if sometimes we men are "technically pure" in our marriages. You know, purity isn't just steering clear of sexual relationships outside of marriage. It's more.

True sexual purity means honoring our wives (and God) with what we look at, what we read, and what we say. It has to do with our thoughts and character. And it does matter when no one is looking. Technically Pure is not pure enough.

Marriage is Work?

I saw a couple for marriage counseling the other day when one of them insisted that "You have to work hard at a marriage". What a dismal view of marriage. This couple was a little surprised when I told them I didn't share that view.

Yes, marriages need attention. We really should nurture our relationships. But hard work?

I can't think of anyone who looked deep into their loved-one's eyes and proposed by saying, "Would you please spend the rest of your life working on issues with me?".

Time. Attention. Nurture. These all require some effort, but marriage shouldn't be drudgery. I like the picture of marriage as a garden: it's easier to keep it in shape than it is to let it go completely and then feel like you have to start over. One of the keys to a successful marriage is spending the effort at the time it's needed instead of waiting and ignoring problems until "hard work" is all that will save it.

(BowdenMcElroy)

• The Growthtrac Marriage Channel

3 Percent of American Marriages Last More than 50 Happy Years

Finnegan Alford-Cooper, an associate professor in the department of sociology and anthropology at Stetson University in Florida, says 3 percent of couples in the United States last more than 50 years.

Since the mid-1990s, Alford-Cooper has conducted research on couples married 50 years or more. Her research spawned "For Keeps: Marriages That Last a Lifetime"

Alford-Cooper says: "There is no simple recipe for a long-term marriage. A complex interplay of social and personal factors plays a role.

"Happier couples report high levels of love, trust, respect and compatibility. They enjoy each other's company. They are each other's best friend."

(Detroit Free Press)

Tri-Headline Spring Tour 2005

Fernando Ortega, Bebo Norman, Sara Groves
For the first time ever, three of the industries favorite singer/songwriters, Curb Records’ Fernando Ortega, Essential Records’ Bebo Norman and INO Records’ Sara Groves, join forces for a national tour. 

The 25-plus-city tour launches April 21 in Chattanooga, TN and hits such major markets as Baltimore, Washington, Pittsburgh, Nashville, Minneapolis/St. Paul, Cleveland, Albuquerque, Ft. Worth, Colorado Springs and more.