What to do with negative emotions toward your spouse?
What should we do with our negative emotions? We know what we've done in the past: withdraw and suffer silently, or engage in word battles that leave everyone wounded and bleeding. Is there a better way to respond?
1. Acknowledge and identify negative emotions.
2. Find the source.
3. Make a covenant with God
4. Take wise action.
Plan A: Seek peace before the battle starts. For example, knowing that sometimes Merv had to work late, Marcia might have called him at 3 P.M. and asked, "How do things look for tonight?" Whatever Merv's response, Marcia may have alleviated an evening of negative feelings.
Plan B: Call a truce. If Plan A fails and the battle erupts, call a truce before one of you destroys the other. Tell your spouse what you feel, that you don't wish to be controlled by these feelings, and that you're requesting an opportunity to discuss your feelings later.
Plan C: Negotiate. Negotiation allows us to share the negative emotions we feel, give our spouse an opportunity to explain his or her behavior, and resolve the issue. It requires listening with an intent to understand and reconcile.
Plan D: Establish a treaty. Ask each other: How can we handle this differently in the future? What steps can we take to avoid letting negative emotions set up a battle between us?
(Marriage Partnership)
Used with permission.
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