Growthtrac insidetrac, Life Changing Marriage Resources

A New Kind of Purity - Anal Sex or Oral Sex

Couples — Even Christian couples — have come to believe that engaging in oral sex or anal sex is the way to maintain virginity and avoid pregnancy.

Hey, there's a reason it's called Anal Sex and Oral Sex — it's sex.

It's not a workaround solution to maintaining virginity.  It's still intimate, you're still naked, climax is still a real possibility and it's a very intimate way to share your sexuality with someone you're not married to.

There's a suggestion we lay out there to the couples my husband and I mentor.  Here goes:

What level of intimacy would you display in front of your parents, siblings or friends?  That should be the intimacy standard in your dating relationship.

By the way, pregnancy is still a possibility even when intercourse has not occured.  Sperm — even a man's clear pre-cum fluid — has a radar that often navigates it's way into the vagina, even through non-intercourse activity.

The ultimate way to safeguard your purity, if you honestly want to follow God's design for your relationship, is to keep the clothes on. 

There really is no "workaround" to maintaining purity.  Either you're pure or you're not.  It's a mindset of obedience to God.

Romans 12:2 — Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Cool Interview: Steve Fee

This week I had the privilege of interviewing my favorite worship artist, Steve Fee with the rock-worship band, Fee. I was first aware of Steve when they were an independent band and they led worship at our church. Phenomenal.

The band is now signed with INO Records; their debut album, We Shine, was released last fall, a re-release of the indi album of the same title.

Why does a marriage ministry/website interview Christian music artists? Great question. It's because we recognize the importance of spiritual intimacy in marriage — and worship can be an integral part of that intimacy. It is in my marriage.

Watch for the Steve Fee interview on Growthtrac and listen for excerpts on Growthtrac Radio.

An Awesome "Thank You" From the Newlyweds!

Recently, our daughter married the love of her life in a really cool, but different setting: the second floor of a theatrical building.

The venue had three distinct and different rooms: a Brides' Room complete with fireplace, couches and love seats; a simply decorated Ceremony Room; and an Artsy Room for the luncheon. Guests gathered for the ceremony, followed by hors d'oeuvre back in the bride's room, finishing a few steps away into the luncheon room. The genre was very intimate for their 50 guests.

The second floor treasure had many windows that overlooked a quaint downtown area of the city. Sunlight poured in beginning with the 11 am ceremony and lasted until we finished the luncheon at 1 pm. A Christian music CD played in the background for the entire time. Soft drinks, juices and coffee/tea were served — it was perfect!

The officiate was an elder from their church who had a lengthy relationship with them ... there was one bride's maid and groom's man... and... and... The chef was The Former chief “cullinarian” for World Wrestling Entertainment under Vince McMahon. Think of that!

There were many touching moments that gripped our hearts, but one consistently remains at the forefront still today: their comments thanking all of us who witnessed their ceremony at the end of the luncheon. They expressed that everyone who should have been there that day were there because of the significant part they played during my daughter and son-in-law's sexually pure courtship. They indicated that the list was virtually easy to develop. It wasn't a matter of friends or relatives or people at work or fifth-cousins on their in-laws side — just those who genuinely and significantly had a Christian impact on their lives.

Of all the weddings that Erika and I have attended within the past 15 years as pre-marriage mentors, we have never been so touched by a thank you such as that.

As they gathered their gifts and were about to drive off into ecstasy, I whispered in my newest son-in-law's left ear.... Be gentle, Son!!!

He winked, smiled and kissed me back on my cheek. He knew what I meant!

Sex: "Business Time" ...

Intimacy in marriage is a curious thing.  So often the ideals and dreams that we have about intimacy going into marriage don’t materialize into fairy-tale, or even Hollywood realities.

In the movies and storybooks, the conditions are always perfect:  soft lights, romantic music, eager participants and lots of time.  Enter the real world, with out-of-control schedules, demanding children, financial stresses, relational struggles and tired spouses.  Sometimes it’s all we can do to just come together—and we often simply settle for what we can get.

See if you can relate to this humorous video about Business Time from a group called, Flight of the Conchords.  While we don’t endorse everything these guys do, we thought they did a nice job of capturing some of the realities of marital intimacy—once the shine has come off the apple a bit.  We thought it might bring a chuckle to your day.

Let us know what you think.

Long Time, No Blogging

To our loyal readers and subscribers, my apologies for the light activity here on the blog. We've been busy launching Growthtrac Radio and with marriage events and ministry coaching. Now that the dust has settled I hope to get this baby back on track.

Thanks. Talk soon.

Spontaneous Romance

In the world of romance, expedience counts. How many times have you forgotten that fleeting romantic thought? What distracts you as you drive by the Hallmark? You meant to call and say I love you, but you forgot.

Turn those romantic thoughts into actions simply by — doing it!

When the thoughts hits, act on it. And there's nothing wrong with scheduling those spontaneous moments in your Blackberry or pasting Post-It reminders in your car. Adjust your routine so it's easier to act.

I discovered years ago that flower deliveries were much more efficient with an open account at the flower shop. Simply speed-dial from the cell phone (no looking up credit card info) and call it in. It doesn't get any more spontaneous than that!

The Heart of The Matter

The temperature of my marriage is directly correlated to my heart connection to God.  Cold...lukewarm... or burning with desire.

The condition of the heart is such an important issue that there are over 700 references in scripture using the word heart.

God's wants us to have a marriage beyond our wildest dreams. In order to have the marriage of our dreams, we need a personal daily God connection by being in His word and connecting through prayer with our spouse.  This won't happen if He is an afterthought in the midst of our busy days.

I had to do a schedule check.  What was filling my days?  Errands, phone calls, work, kids, hobbies, e-mail and television?  This world drowns out God with noise and chaos - I couldn't listen to Him if I wanted to.  Not true.

There is one book that has dramatically changed how I listen to God and do heart checks - The Divine Mentor by Wayne Cordeiro. 

A heart check starts with you. 

Pull out the thermometer.

Cold? Lukewarm?  Or, burning with desire?

Half of U.S. losing its religion: study

The study released Monday by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life, interviewed more than 35,000 adults. The survey found that the U.S. religious marketplace is extremely volatile, with nearly half of American adults leaving the faith tradition of their upbringing to either switch allegiances or abandon religious affiliation altogether.

How might this impact marriage?

We are huge proponents of community: doing life with like-minded couples, and seeking out solid relationships for support and accountability.  The best place to find these relationships is in the context of the local church. If increasing numbers are 'unaffiliated',  community will be  that much more allusive.

• While much of the study confirms earlier findings — mainline Protestant churches are in decline, non-denominational churches are gaining and the ranks of the unaffiliated are growing.
• More than one-quarter of American adults have left the faith of their childhood for another religion or no religion at all, the survey found.
• One in four adults ages 18 to 29 claim no affiliation with a religious institution.
• The Roman Catholic Church has lost more members than any faith tradition because of affiliation swapping, the survey found. While nearly one in three Americans were raised Catholic, fewer than one in four say they’re Catholic today.
• On the Protestant side, changes in affiliation are swelling the ranks of nondenominational churches, while Baptist and Methodist traditions are showing net losses.

Associated Press

Growthtrac Radio

Our new streamed radio station, Growthtrac Radio, launches this Wednesday 30-Jan, but you can listen now at www.growthtracradio.com

Growthtrac Radio is 24-7 contemporary Christian music -- plus great programming for your marriage. Enjoy.

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Bye-Bye Podcast

In September 2006 we published our first Growthtrac Podcast. We're pleased with the Growthtrac Podcast, and we think you are too, as evidenced by the hundreds of you subscribed to our feed. Thank you.

Twenty-One Podcasts later, we've decided to discontinue Podcast production and focus on new venues.

As with all small, entrepreneurial ministries -- we strive to be financially responsible, selectively choosing programs that will deliver on our initiatives, maintain quality objectives and impact lives.

Lately, our energy has shifted to a new exciting endeavor -- Growthtrac Radio -- 24-7 Contemporary Christian music with marriage programming. Growthtrac Radio will launch next month, in February. We believe this is a very worthy project and I hope you'll listen.... And tell your friends.

You may still listen to our Podcast archive files here. Thanks for listening.